The biggest financial challenge I faced was when I left my long-term boyfriend. Before him, I had my financial life together. I lived alone, I had no debt, and I had money saved. My ex was a sweet guy, worked full-time, and was respectful towards me. According to him, he needed to leave his brother’s house as things were not working out. He stayed with me for a month until he got his own apartment. During that month he stayed with me, he gave me money, and treated me like a queen.
My ex was ten years older than me, didn’t have his own apartment or house, and was living with his brother. When I look back at things, my first mistake was that I didn’t ask the right questions about his financial life. I was in my mid-twenties, and I did not know much about life, men, or how to manage money. The years of verbal abuse from my immediate family saying, “You’re fat. You’re gullible. Not good enough. You’re too fat and no one will marry you. You’re gay. You’re dumb. You’re bougie. You’re stuck up. You talk like a white girl. You act like white people” caused me to not love myself and accept behaviors that were not good for me. Those hurtful words and constant judgment shaped how I felt about myself and the decisions I made. Is this you?
That immature girl allowed love and ignorance to step in and ruin her financial life. I was not saving, growing, or investing money. I wasted money on partying, eating out, and my ex. Every time I turned around, he needed money to get his car fixed or pay bills. Two broke people in a relationship is a recipe for disaster. It was seven years of bad decisions that left my bank account empty and with debt that didn’t belong to me.
When I got the courage to leave, I had to go to Woodforest National Bank and get a second chance for a bank account. They allowed people with a poor banking history to get a bank account. That happened because I added him to my bank account, which was mistake number one. Mistake number two was that I didn’t ask him why he didn’t have his own bank account. Then, I found myself walking down the street to get a payday loan to get my car out of impound because he parked my car in the wrong spot where we lived. On that day, I had to take out a loan for $350.00. Those series of bad decisions left me bitter and angry at myself.
I’m 42 now, and I see that it’s crucial to have at least $1000.00 in your emergency account. An emergency fund will allow you to handle “Life” when it happens. Go to thefinanciallady.com and get your worksheet on how to save $1000.00 and how to manage your money!
During that time in my life, I didn’t love myself more to say no and I didn’t set standards when it came to my money or what I want in a man or a relationship. I take100% responsibility for what happened.
The only reason why I didn’t lose my mind was that I had an earthly father that told me that I was:
- Beautiful
- I can do anything
- I can be anything
- God loves me
- Daddy loves me and supports me
- Never rely on one source of income
- Be good to yourself
- Be a good wife to your husband
- And never let your right hand know what your left hand is doing
Are you wondering who I am?
I am :
- Bold
- Loving
- Married to a wonderful man
- I am the first one to complete high school in my family
- I graduated from college, got my MBA in a year and a half, and made the honor roll
- I am a business-owner of a financial mentoring business named The Financial Lady.
- I’ve been named the Financial Lady of the South.
- I’m one of the top professionals in my industry
- I’m an entrepreneur and I started a body scrub business during COVID
- I’ve helped people build their non-profit organizations
- I oversee Financial Education at my church
- I shed 100lbs on my own – I’m a bad girl!
- I completed a ½ marathon under 4 hours
- And I cook and bake my butt off
And that’s who I am. My father challenged me and that made me the woman I am today.
So, I challenge you to not allow the words and opinions people have of you to dictate your life.
Be aware, be informed!